my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
