so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.