Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
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I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
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He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.