my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager