Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy