I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you