He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
