I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
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The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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