just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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