So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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