you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
