I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
