I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
