I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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