is wine microwaveable?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
