Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
