tell your sister to shave her snatch
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
