it hurts more in the daytime
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
