yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
