dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
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That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
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She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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