Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
