I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
