I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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