I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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