Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
