You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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