so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
