I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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