i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
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I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
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Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.