half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!