butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
my mouth tastes like poor choices
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them