im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.