No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
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Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children