he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Dating After Heartbreak
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.