This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
