I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
