Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Found the puke drawer
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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