So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just found a bag of teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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