Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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