he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
