i just sent this text using only my big toe
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
