i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
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Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
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Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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