if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
