help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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