dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
