What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
