He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
