Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
