Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
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Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
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Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
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