you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
