we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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