we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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