OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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