I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize