I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
