You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
