You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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