I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
