Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
