I just saw a hot homeless man
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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