girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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