does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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