We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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