...so i touched it.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
