Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
