I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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