Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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