Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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