i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
