dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
