Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
