Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
