Sponge bath it is.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
